I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Randomize
