Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
