the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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