opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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