She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
