if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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