haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
