can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
