chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
