i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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