my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
