I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
