I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
