I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
