im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
