Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
