I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My vagina is very pro this idea
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
