we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
