This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
