I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
