i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
