I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Threesome in a minivan. New low
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
