john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
