good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
