their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think I won the penis lottery.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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