I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
