i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
