so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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