I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
