if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
