This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
