how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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