My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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