I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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