STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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