You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
