i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
