I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
