I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
