Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
