Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
