That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
