i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
