She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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