So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
