i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
