Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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