New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
