We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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