dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
