i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
