i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
