don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
