On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
