I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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