I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
